What am I being told?

So I'm excited that I'm over 18 because that means I can start chewing or smoking Marlboroughs when I am ready to become a real man. I'll wear tight wranglers, ride a horse… I can't wait to get the chiseled physique and ridged jaw line. I'm not sure I'll have any friends but, psh! That Marlborough man doesn't need friends. Yep, when I am readyto be a real man I'll be able to do it all on my own.
It sure is easy living in this day and age because if I do want friends, I'll pick up a Bud. Every one seems to be happy with beer-friends. I might have to ask the women who come over to put some clothes on though, Michigan is cold and they don't seem to own more than bathing suits. I guess bathing suits do come in handy for all that mud wrestling and hot tubing, I wonder when my pit and tub will bedelivered.
I'm sure an advertisement theory prof. would tell you that the shirts and skirts that claim to instantly slim you is just a gimmick, a product of our instant everything culture, playing off of fears of obesity and the over emphasis on pencil thin models and actresses. All you'll hear me saying is: "Let me try that on! How does my buttlook?"
That is the news for now
love braden joshua macIntosh williams