I had a few thoughts that I wanted to share. Part of my reason for sharing is to think publicly. Hopefully someone might comment on the ideas. It is true I have resorted to begging for comments.
(I am joking about this.)
Continuing, I have been desiring to seek God for a new reason. First, I want to say that I don’t know if honest seeking of God for any reason is bad. What do you think?
I have, in the recent past, sought God because I wanted something such as provision or success with my goals. I did this out of the belief that right relationship to God would bring positive things. One thing that I think should be said is that these beliefs and actions were not obvious or outright, but subtle. Seeking for this reason didn't last long. Next, I remember seeking God because I wanted help with something. I wanted something to be fixed within me. I believed that God could do this. This is true, he can fix me. In any case this seeking did not last long either. Now I am trying to seek God with the desire to experience him or to personally know him, knowing that he will fix me as I am obedient to him. It seems that with this way God will work on what he knows needs to be fixed as opposed to what I want fixed.
I am also trying to seek him with the hope that whatever is in me that longs for things such as recognition, love, belonging, value, success, effectiveness, will be truly met in a healthy, productive, joyful, peace inducing way.
I don't want to do other things with the intent of fulfilling my desires and have the side effect be something bad. I heard a sermon by Dan Allender speaking at Mars Hill about how he was embarrassed because his daughter made a mistake at her piano recital. He was embarrassed because he was trying to use his daughter's success to give him a feeling of a high social standing. His daughter at 8 years old knew this at some level. She communicated it by asking, "Dad do you hate me?" This guy didn’t sit down and plan this out. It was all done by the time his daughter shocked him with her question. It all slipped his notice until it was too late. It is amazing that he even recognized it at all.
It seems to me that Abraham had a desire to have a son, and even a desire for God to fulfill his promise, which Abraham believed would happen. However, he acted in a way to fulfill this desire that had a side effect (which is really an understatement.) Not only did it lead to the boy Ishmael being kicked out of the protection and support of the house hold, it also lead, as some believe, to the modern Arab nations and the current conflicts.
I wonder what other more common “side effects” could be avoided by finding the fulfillment of my desires in God instead of other things?
2 comments:
i often have a hard time in understanding my motivation for seeking God. i think that often, an underlying motivation for seeking him is for things to be fixed in me, or for my life and relationships to be more healthy, or for me to just feel better. then i tend to feel selfish and selfcentered, feeling that i should seek God to glorify him and not as a means to glorify myself in a way...but i do understand that my desire for health and right relationships is God-given. i think you're right about needing to seek God and ask for him to fulfill those desires according to his will.
Thanks for sharing. It is valuable to hear how other people experience their life with God. I also strongly value thinking, asking, and wondering about these things.
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