The First

I was reading about the book of Genesis. The part that I was reading talked about how Cain murdered and then was afraid of being murdered. He acted wrongly toward one but wanted protection against being treated as he had treated another.

So he was fearing something that he started. I was trying to think of something that I had started that I was then afraid of. I imagined being a kid and doing something out of impulse and then being afraid because I didn’t know what I was doing. Once a kid was yelling in my ear. I wanted him to stop and I was angry that he did that. I punched him in the stomach. I just meant to do it lightly, as a warning. But he started crying. It made me scared. We were in fifth grade. Sometime in high school the kid brought it up. I totally didn’t know that I would start something so big. I wonder if Cain had a notion of what was going to happen.

Also think about how he was the first murderer. If no one had been killed or died yet, I don’t think that I would know what it was. He knew that dying existed but did he know what it would look like and how much violence it would require? Did he say to himself I am going to kill him? If not, it shows how much tangible evil can come from some seemingly small evil impulses.